Joke of the Day

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Joke of the Day

Post  Danu on Tue May 07, 2013 8:42 pm

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what...

Metal,
Wood,
Stone,
Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,
'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands,
she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man who could bring his daughter
an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king’s wealth...

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.



But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly


The second prince brought diamonds.


He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .



She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?





M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.


What were you thinking??
I WORRY ABOUT YOU SOMETIMES!!!!


Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what...

Metal,
Wood,
Stone,
Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,
'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands,
she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man who could bring his daughter
an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king’s wealth...

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.



But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly


The second prince brought diamonds.


He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .



She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

Question



M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.











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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Grevender on Fri May 10, 2013 9:14 am

I thought he had chuck norris...

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Molie on Fri May 10, 2013 3:54 pm

I lol'ed Smile
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Sakyia on Fri May 10, 2013 11:20 pm

Molie wrote:I lol'ed Smile

Weird Frenchman Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Molie on Sat May 11, 2013 11:48 pm

gimme glead saky Twisted Evil
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  feng on Wed May 15, 2013 3:36 am

Grev tried the same thing on me, but there weren't M&M's in his pocket Embarassed

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Danu on Fri Jun 07, 2013 7:33 pm

Embarassed
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Danu on Thu Aug 01, 2013 7:45 pm

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME !!! 
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath.. She puts her foot in and pauses... 
She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" 
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." 
She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" 
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen
 table having tea listening to her sisters. 
She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," she knocked on wood. 
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

________________________
__________ 
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME
 !!! 
An elderly Lady called 999 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into. 
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. 
The operator said, "Stay calm An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the Officer radios in. "Disregard.." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake.."

_____________________________________

I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
 
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. 
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" 
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday..." 
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

_____________________________________ 
_____________________________________ 

ROMANCE
 
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. 
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked.. 
"To get my teeth!"

_____________________________________ 

________
____________________________ 
OLD FRIENDS
 
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her.. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. 
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"
_____________________________________ 

SENIOR DRIVING
 
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, " Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!" 
_____________________________________ 

DRIVING
 
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through. 
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few
 more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"




Please !!!! Friends, tell me this won't happen to us !!!!

 

 Very Happy lol! 
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Eoin on Thu Aug 08, 2013 12:40 am

wont u b a huney n repost this just so its not getting trimmed on the side?
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Danu on Sun Aug 11, 2013 7:58 pm

Ill try but don't think i have it anymore
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Eoin on Tue Aug 20, 2013 5:35 pm

then u should hurry up n come play rappelz again.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Danu on Fri Sep 13, 2013 12:34 am

A man is walking behind his wife and says,
"Baby, your arse is getting so fat, it's looking like a washing machine."
The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking.
Bedtime comes around, the man is asking for sex.
The woman says:
"I'm not starting the washing machine for such a small load.
You'll have to do it by hand !"
 
 
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Eoin on Mon Sep 16, 2013 2:23 am

then the man ask for a handjob right? right?
and let there b lube
and definitely gotta b a bukkake after that.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  moeatem on Wed Dec 18, 2013 6:47 am

Merry Christmas To Everyone !
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Old People

Post  Danu on Thu Jun 12, 2014 1:13 am

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!  
 
 
An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as  part of his physical exam. 

The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'  

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, 
which was as  clean and empty as on the previous day.   

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's  like this -- first I tried 
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.  

'Then I asked my wife for help. She  tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.  
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still  nothing.   

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next  door and she tried too, first with  both hands, then an 
armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her  knees, but still  nothing..' 

The  doctor was shocked!  
  
'You asked your neighbour?'    
  
The old  man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
 
 
 
 
 
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Molie on Mon Jun 30, 2014 6:26 pm

I laughed Smile
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  BakaMew on Tue Jul 01, 2014 11:32 am

Danu please give molie a one on one lesson on how to make better jokes. People in crappelz still suffer from his "jokes"  Mad  Mad  Mad  Mad  Mad  Mad  Mad  Mad  Mad  Mad  Mad
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Danu on Wed Jul 02, 2014 9:36 am

at least he trys  life is to short  laugh and b happy  miss you all come play guild wars 2
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Eoin on Sat Jul 05, 2014 7:53 pm

Danu wrote:at least he trys  life is to short  laugh and b happy  miss you all come play guild wars 2

miss u 2.
leave that motel gw2
come back home to crappelz
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They walk among us

Post  Danu on Fri Jul 18, 2014 5:44 pm

They  Walk Among Us!

----------------------------

Some  guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get  rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard  and hung a
Sign on it saying: 'Free to good  home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days  the fridge sat there without anyone looking  twice.
He eventually decided that people were  too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.' 

The  next day someone stole it!

They walk amongst  us!
-------------------------------------
  

*One  day I was walking down the beach with
Some  friends when someone shouted.....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and  said...'where?'

They walk among  us!
  

----------------------------------------------------------  

While  looking at a house, my brother asked the
Estate  agent which direction was north because
He  didn't want the sun waking him up every  morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the  north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises  in the east
And has for sometime. She shook her head and said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'

They Walk Among  Us!
--------------------------------------------
  

My  colleague and I were eating our lunch in our  cafeteria,
when we overheard an admin girl  talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said
she 'didn't think she'd  get sunburned
because the car was moving'.

They Walk Among  Us!
------------------------------------
  

My  sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
which  is designed to cut through a seat belt
if she  gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.

                    They Walk Among Us!
 
                                  
-------------------------------------------------
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post  Danu on Fri Jul 18, 2014 5:46 pm

I  couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage  area and went to the lost luggage office and  reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and  told me not to worry
because she was a trained  professional and
said I was in good hands.  'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived  yet?'...
(I work with professionals like  this.)

They Walk Among  Us!
------------------------------------------------

While  working at a pizza parlor I observed a  man
ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared  to be alone and the cook asked him if he would  like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought  about it for some time
then said 'Just cut it  into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough  to eat 6 pieces.

They Walk Among  Us!
  
    
And  last, but not least:  
  
     
[size=48]Dumb  as a box of Rocks
TRUE  STORY:

A  noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an  academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to  appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to  schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a  question with which he was most at  ease.

'Would you mind telling me,  Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental  deficiency in somebody who appears completely  normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied.  'You ask a simple question which anyone should  answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates,  that puts you on the track..'

'What sort  of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you  might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around  the world and died during one of them. Which  one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then  said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen  to have another example would you? I must  confess I don't know much about  history.'

 
Sadly, they walk among us![/size]
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