here kitty

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here kitty

Post  Danu on Mon Mar 05, 2012 7:55 am

Cat Lover or Not, this is Hysterical !!!




We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.


Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!


Why is it that only the women laugh at this? lol!




















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Re: here kitty

Post  krystie on Mon Mar 05, 2012 10:16 am

heard this not too long ago, so hilarious.. ive always wondered that cos isnt it guys who love lazing around the house butt-nakid?Razz i just wish i could be there to watch... but its the most hilarious thing ever.. than i could die happy^^
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Re: here kitty

Post  Molie on Mon Mar 05, 2012 1:22 pm

Women are evil, I swear! Smile
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Re: here kitty

Post  krystie on Mon Mar 05, 2012 5:44 pm

Molie wrote:Women are evil, I swear! Smile

*gives molie a kitten*

...here molie... isnt it the sweetest thing evarh?!!!!
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Re: here kitty

Post  moeatem on Mon Mar 05, 2012 8:54 pm

LOL I gotta tell you a real life story. Where I come from if someone asks you if something is true,you reply as sure as there is shit in a dead cat,Anyways heres my story and this really happened to me.
I was 19 years of age and liked to go out with my friends and get drunk.Sometimes on my way home I would take a short cut through my neighbor's garden,climb the fence and voila I would be in my garden ,safe and sound and home.Only one problem,my neighbor used to breed very big ugly mean dogs in their yard and I would usually end up being a moving target for said pooches.I quickly learned to do a very quick sprint ,jump for their six foot high fence,and swing my frame very quickly over the fence before the doggies ate me.
THe last time I took this shortcut I was really drunk and decided I could do it.I sprinted in the back yard and as I ran from the dogs,i slipped and fell into a massive pile of doggie doo doo.I got up dazed and jumped for the fence before the barking dogs ( I could swear they were laughing at me ) could get me.I got up to the top of the fence but fell accross it,the sharp pickets digging into my midsection causing me a lot of pain! I painfully fell over the fence quickly but landed knees first on my neighbor's old tom cat.The old tom let out a half painful squeal and meow at the same time before it died.As the saying goes there most certainly is shit in a dead cat because at the second it died,and from my entire 230 pounds coming straight down on it, it rained cat poo and guts on me.You must be saying it cant get any worse for ole moe,but one more thing happened.AS I was gettin sprayed by the cat,I rolled off of it in pain and into a large pile of poison ivy which you may know as poison oak. I was covered in dog and cat poo,cat blood and guts,I had cuts accross my middle and severely bruised ribs.I had both knees cut to pieces from cat bones,and i was as itchy as hell from the poison ivy.
The moral of the story is,never ever ever take the short cut when you are drinking! Take the long way,which in my case is a whopping 3 minutes longer! roflmao true story!
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Re: here kitty

Post  feng on Mon Mar 05, 2012 10:43 pm

My wife just asked me what I'm hysterically laughing at.

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Re: here kitty

Post  Grevender on Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:31 am

What a Face

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Re: here kitty

Post  Molie on Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:56 pm

krystie wrote:
Molie wrote:Women are evil, I swear! Smile

*gives molie a kitten*

...here molie... isnt it the sweetest thing evarh?!!!!

Actually, I love cats. But... mmm, now I see them under another angle...
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Re: here kitty

Post  krystie on Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:31 pm

moeatem wrote: I painfully fell over the fence quickly but landed knees first on my neighbor's old tom cat.The old tom let out a half painful squeal and meow at the same time before it died.As the saying goes there most certainly is shit in a dead cat because at the second it died,and from my entire 230 pounds coming straight down on it, it rained cat poo and guts on me.You must be saying it cant get any worse for ole moe,but one more thing happened.AS I was gettin sprayed by the cat,I rolled off of it in pain and into a large pile of poison ivy which you may know as poison oak. I was covered in dog and cat poo,cat blood and guts,I had cuts accross my middle and severely bruised ribs.I had both knees cut to pieces from cat bones,and i was as itchy as hell from the poison ivy.

this made me almost as horrifingly sad as the time one of the girls who worked for me (im not a madame!) told me when she was little proposly steping on a kitten and watching its brain matter seep out.. i think ima go curl up under my desk and cry now
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Re: here kitty

Post  moeatem on Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:48 pm

I apologize if this caused you grief Krystie.It was one of the stupid things that happened to me when I was younger,I promise I am nor cruel to animals. Again I apologize!
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Re: here kitty

Post  krystie on Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:04 pm

moeatem wrote:I apologize if this caused you grief Krystie.It was one of the stupid things that happened to me when I was younger,I promise I am nor cruel to animals. Again I apologize!

oh! pft lol i kniow your ass wasnt like heat seeking out that poor ole tom cat, still sad none the less but no need to apologize things like that happen... jus sad is all.. i likes kittehs.. i likes em lots *crys* i wanna hugs them all and marry them to doggies so they dun live in sin!!! *runs away crying*
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Re: here kitty

Post  Grevender on Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:15 am

krystie wrote:
moeatem wrote:I apologize if this caused you grief Krystie.It was one of the stupid things that happened to me when I was younger,I promise I am nor cruel to animals. Again I apologize!

oh! pft lol i kniow your ass wasnt like heat seeking out that poor ole tom cat, still sad none the less but no need to apologize things like that happen... jus sad is all.. i likes kittehs.. i likes em lots *crys* i wanna hugs them all and marry them to doggies so they dun live in sin!!! *runs away crying*
*me starts thinking how a married couple krystie+kitty would be...* Suspect

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Re: here kitty

Post  krystie on Wed Mar 07, 2012 9:12 am

Grevender wrote:
krystie wrote:
moeatem wrote:I apologize if this caused you grief Krystie.It was one of the stupid things that happened to me when I was younger,I promise I am nor cruel to animals. Again I apologize!

oh! pft lol i kniow your ass wasnt like heat seeking out that poor ole tom cat, still sad none the less but no need to apologize things like that happen... jus sad is all.. i likes kittehs.. i likes em lots *crys* i wanna hugs them all and marry them to doggies so they dun live in sin!!! *runs away crying*
*me starts thinking how a married couple krystie+kitty would be...* Suspect

ew! i didnt say I WOULD marry a kitty.. nono, the kitties and doggies... they sniff each other's ass and growl and claw at each other just like real married human people.... so they must be married else they live in sin
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Re: here kitty

Post  moeatem on Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:29 pm

i see your point,Grev missed it yet again! Put youir glasses on Grev!
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Re: here kitty

Post  Grevender on Thu Mar 08, 2012 4:49 am

krystie wrote:
ew! i didnt say I WOULD marry a kitty.. nono
how no? look:

krystie wrote:
I would totally marry a kitty!

see? it's totally legit.

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Re: here kitty

Post  krystie on Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:47 am

Grevender wrote:
krystie wrote:
ew! i didnt say I WOULD marry a kitty.. nono
how no? look:

krystie wrote:
I would totally marry a kitty!

see? it's totally legit... i would know, i screw dogs, well only puppies, dogs are too old and stiff


jep... you got me there grevy:P
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Re: here kitty

Post  moeatem on Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:00 pm

Again I see your point! LMFAO
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Re: here kitty

Post  Grevender on Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:33 am

krystie wrote:
Grevender wrote:
krystie wrote:
ew! i didnt say I WOULD marry a kitty.. nono
how no? look:

krystie wrote:
I would totally marry a kitty!

see? it's totally legit... i would know, i screw dogs, well only puppies, dogs are too old and stiff


jep... you got me there grevy:P
you will turn into a fine troll I love you

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Re: here kitty

Post  DoomsDaySlave on Fri Mar 09, 2012 5:31 pm

meh now i know why old women goes for young guys but don't stiff means they will hold out more and go more slowly than young who wants to get the job done and be out of there 0.o?

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Re: here kitty

Post  moeatem on Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:56 pm

Hmmm,I dont know if thats the case. I have had young and old alike coming back wanting more,I guess its just a case of skill which comes with age.
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Re: here kitty

Post  Grevender on Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:09 am

the more the b3tter

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Re: here kitty

Post  moeatem on Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:37 pm

INDEED!
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