iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

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iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Danu on Wed Dec 14, 2011 7:34 pm

TALIAN Women are TOUGH!


An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.


When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli.


Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in his mouth.


With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife who said:

"Va fanculo!"
"Questi sono per il funerale."

(Translation - Fuck off - these are for the funeral).

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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Yomako on Wed Dec 14, 2011 7:46 pm

that's when you know you should stay away from women
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Danu on Wed Dec 14, 2011 7:48 pm

Only if your an old Italian man Smile
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Yomako on Wed Dec 14, 2011 8:19 pm

so if I'm an old Chinese man like baka, then I'm fine? Laughing
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  feng on Thu Dec 15, 2011 12:09 am

She probably poisoned him to make him that sick in the first place.

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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Grevender on Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:08 am

this is to explain how sweet and merciful italian women are xD

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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Danu on Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:48 am

am i like that greve hmmm
i dont think i am
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A Dublin Doctor

Post  Danu on Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:11 am

A Dublin Doctor wanted to go fishing, so he approached his apprentice Doctor.
"Murphy, I am goin' fishing tomorrow, and don't want to be closin' the
clinic. I want you to take care of all m' patients! "

"Not a problem, Yes,Doctor! I'll do m' best,Sir!! " answered Murphy.

The Doctor returned the following day.
"So,Murphy, how was your day?"

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.


"The first one had a headache,he did, so I gave him Paracetamol."


"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the Doctor.

"The second one had indigestion, so I gave him Gaviscon." says Murphy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this!! And what about the third one?"
asks the Doctor.

"Doctor, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flew open ... And a
young gorgeous woman burst in, she did! Like a bolt outta the blue,
she tore off her clothes, taking off everything!! - including her bra
and panties!! - and she lay on the table, and spread her legs!! -and
then shouted loudly:


"Oh Please Doctor - HELP ME!! - for the love of St Patrick!! - For
five years now, I haven't seen any man!! "

Agasp, the Doctor asked,


"Oh NO, Murphy!! ......
-Tunderin' Joseph, Mary and lard Jesus, what did you do?"

"The only t'ing I could do, Doctor!!

I put drops in her eyes!! "

Laughing
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Grevender on Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:11 am

Murphy was not italian Mad

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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  DoomsDaySlave on Sat Jan 07, 2012 7:59 am

Danu wrote:A Dublin Doctor wanted to go fishing, so he approached his apprentice Doctor.
"Murphy, I am goin' fishing tomorrow, and don't want to be closin' the
clinic. I want you to take care of all m' patients! "

"Not a problem, Yes,Doctor! I'll do m' best,Sir!! " answered Murphy.

The Doctor returned the following day.
"So,Murphy, how was your day?"

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.


"The first one had a headache,he did, so I gave him Paracetamol."


"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the Doctor.

"The second one had indigestion, so I gave him Gaviscon." says Murphy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this!! And what about the third one?"
asks the Doctor.

"Doctor, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flew open ... And a
young gorgeous woman burst in, she did! Like a bolt outta the blue,
she tore off her clothes, taking off everything!! - including her bra
and panties!! - and she lay on the table, and spread her legs!! -and
then shouted loudly:


"Oh Please Doctor - HELP ME!! - for the love of St Patrick!! - For
five years now, I haven't seen any man!! "

Agasp, the Doctor asked,


"Oh NO, Murphy!! ......
-Tunderin' Joseph, Mary and lard Jesus, what did you do?"

"The only t'ing I could do, Doctor!!

I put drops in her eyes!! "

Laughing

if you took this word from this text you can also say murphy was a female addressed by her last name 0.o

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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  moeatem on Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:11 am

Doomsday CSI on the hunt again! lmao
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Danu on Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:05 pm

Murphy was a man but i can see your logic
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  moeatem on Sun Jan 08, 2012 11:12 am

Or Murphy was Bi and could'nt make up his mind,so he gave her eyedrops instead?
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  feng on Mon Jan 09, 2012 5:21 am

That's what i would have done too.

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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  moeatem on Mon Jan 09, 2012 6:05 pm

Oh really?
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Danu on Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:57 am

Dog Named Sex Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on. When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!" >> One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!" Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday. Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog." Smile
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Molie on Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:17 pm

Haha Smile
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Yomako on Sat Mar 31, 2012 5:37 pm

LOL
moral of the story... too much sex is no good~
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Make me fee like a woman

Post  Danu on Wed May 30, 2012 9:37 pm





!!






MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN !!



On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.

The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

'I'm too young to die,' she wails.

Then she yells, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!

Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.

They all stare, eyes riveted, at this desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a Jackeroo from Australia stands up in the rear of the plane.

He is handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes.

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one
button at a time.

No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.

She gasps.




He whispers ....................





'Iron this. Then get me a beer'.








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bRAIN sTUDY

Post  Danu on Wed May 30, 2012 9:42 pm

Brain Study....

I've seen this with the letters out of order,
but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers.
Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind:

7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.


yes i can
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  g12x on Wed May 30, 2012 9:57 pm

Love the dog named sex story lol
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Grevender on Thu May 31, 2012 10:27 am

Iron this and bring me two beers!

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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Danu on Thu May 31, 2012 10:45 am

GREEEVEEE
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Re: iTALIAN wOMEN are tough

Post  Rintok on Thu May 31, 2012 3:28 pm

feng wrote:That's what i would have done too.



AHAHHAHAHA
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woman's Dictionary

Post  Danu on Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:36 am

Women's use of the English language defined for the confused man.

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows!)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools of f.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not ! faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have of fended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
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